The Ultimate Guide to Emotional Intimacy: How to Reconnect and Strengthen Your Relationship
If your relationship feels more like a roommate situation than a soulmate connection, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with maintaining emotional intimacy—the deep, meaningful bond that makes relationships fulfilling and resilient. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a strong partnership, but life’s stresses, communication gaps, and unresolved issues can erode it over time. At The UP Company, we specialize in helping couples rebuild emotional intimacy and create the loving, supportive relationships they’ve always wanted. Whether you’re looking to reconnect with your partner, overcome fear of intimacy, or bring the spark back into your marriage, this guide is for you. Let’s explore what emotional intimacy is, why it’s important, and how you can cultivate it in your relationship. What Is Emotional Intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the ability to share your deepest thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with your partner without fear of judgment or rejection. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and valued for who you truly are. Emotional intimacy goes beyond physical connection—it’s the glue that holds relationships together during tough times and the fuel that keeps the spark alive during the good ones. When emotional intimacy is strong, couples feel safe to express their needs, resolve conflicts constructively, and support each other through life’s challenges. But when it’s lacking, relationships can feel distant, disconnected, and unfulfilling. Why Is Emotional Intimacy Important to Close Relationships? Emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of a healthy, lasting relationship. Here’s why it matters: Without emotional intimacy, relationships can feel shallow, transactional, or even lonely. If you’ve noticed a lack of emotional closeness in your relationship, don’t worry—it’s never too late to rebuild it. How to Build Emotional Intimacy: 7 Practical Steps 1. Create a Safe Space for Transparency Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires trust. Create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism or judgment. This means actively listening, validating each other’s emotions, and responding with empathy. At The UP Company, we help couples develop these skills through guided therapy sessions. Our therapists provide a supportive environment where you can practice open communication and rebuild trust. 2. Prioritize Quality Time Together In today’s busy world, it’s easy to let quality time slip through the cracks. But spending meaningful time together is essential for building emotional intimacy. Set aside regular date nights, take walks together, or simply enjoy a quiet evening at home without distractions. Remember, it’s not about the quantity of time but the quality. Focus on being fully present and engaged with your partner. 3. Have Hard Conversations Avoiding difficult conversations can create distance in a relationship. Whether it’s discussing finances, work stress, or unmet needs, having hard conversations is crucial for maintaining emotional intimacy. Be honest and transparent with your partner, even when it’s uncomfortable. Share your fears, hopes, and challenges, and encourage them to do the same. At The UP Company, we help couples navigate these conversations with compassion and understanding. 4. Practice Active Listening Listening is one of the most powerful ways to build emotional intimacy. When your partner speaks, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting, offering unsolicited advice, or getting defensive. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and validating their feelings. Active listening shows your partner that you value their thoughts and emotions, which strengthens your connection. 5. Rekindle Physical Touch Physical touch is a powerful way to express love and build emotional intimacy. Simple gestures like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling can help you feel closer to your partner. If physical touch has dwindled in your relationship, start small. A gentle touch on the arm or a warm embrace can go a long way in rekindling intimacy. 6. Address the Fear of Emotional Intimacy Fear of emotional intimacy can stem from past traumas, trust issues, or fear of vulnerability. If you or your partner struggles with this, it’s important to address the underlying causes. Therapy can be a safe space to explore these fears and develop strategies for overcoming them. At The UP Company, we help individuals and couples work through their barriers to intimacy and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 7. Bring Emotional Intimacy Back into Your Marriage If your marriage has lost its spark, don’t despair. Emotional intimacy can be rebuilt with effort and commitment. Start by reminiscing about the early days of your relationship—what drew you to each other? What made you feel connected? Recreate those moments, whether it’s through shared activities, heartfelt conversations, or small acts of kindness. At The UP Company, we specialize in helping couples reignite their passion and rediscover the joy of being together. What Causes a Lack of Emotional Intimacy? Several factors can contribute to a lack of emotional intimacy in relationships: Understanding the root cause of your relationship challenges is the first step toward addressing them. How to Be in a Relationship with Someone Who Avoids Emotional Intimacy If your partner avoids emotional intimacy, it can feel frustrating and isolating. Here’s how to navigate this challenge: At The UP Company, we help couples navigate these challenges and build stronger, more connected relationships. Why Choose The UP Company? Culturally Competent Care: We understand the unique challenges faced by couples in the Black community and provide therapy that’s sensitive to your experiences. Expert Guidance: With a master’s degree in mental health counseling and over 12 years of experience, our founder and therapists are dedicated to helping you achieve your relationship goals. Convenient Online Sessions: Our online therapy platform makes it easy to access support from the comfort of home. Take the First Step Toward Reconnecting Emotional intimacy is the heart of a thriving relationship. If you’re ready to rebuild your connection and create the loving partnership you deserve, The UP Company is here to help. Visit www.upcompany.org to learn more about our services and schedule your first session today. Because every relationship deserves to feel like a soulmate connection—and we’re here to help you make that a reality.
The Silent Crisis: Unveiling the Mental Health Struggles in the Black Community
In recent years, the black community in the United States has been grappling with a disturbing and often overlooked issue: the rising suicide rates and the increased reliance on emergency mental health inpatient hospitalization. This article delves into the statistics, underlying reasons, and the deeply rooted challenges that exacerbate these mental health struggles. Rising Suicide Rates: A Stark Reality According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and Mental Health America (MHA), suicide rates among black individuals have been on a troubling upward trajectory. These statistics are not just numbers; they represent lives cut short and communities in mourning. For example, SAMHSA reports a significant increase in suicide rates among black youth, with the rate nearly doubling between 2014 and 2018. MHA’s data corroborates this trend, highlighting that suicide has become the second leading cause of death for black children aged 10-14 and the third leading cause for black adolescents aged 15-19. Emergency Inpatient Hospitalization: One alarming trend is the high rate at which black individuals first receive mental health services through emergency inpatient hospitalization. This statistic underscores a reactive rather than proactive approach to mental health care within the community. Dr. King Davis, Chair of Mental Health and Social Policy at the University of Texas at Austin, has extensively researched this phenomenon. He explains that many black individuals turn to emergency services due to a lack of access to regular, preventive mental health care, coupled with a distrust of outpatient psychiatric treatment. Underlying Reasons: Stigma, Historical Mistrust, and Stereotypes Several factors contribute to the increased suicide rates and the high utilization of inpatient hospitalization over counseling and outpatient treatment. Dr. Davis points to the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health in the black community as a critical barrier. Mental illness is often seen as a weakness or personal failing, discouraging individuals from seeking help. Historical mistrust also plays a significant role. The black community’s experience with the mental health system is marred by a history of unjust treatment and exploitation. This mistrust is rooted in well-documented instances, such as the unethical Tuskegee Syphilis Study, which have left a lasting legacy of suspicion towards medical institutions. Furthermore, harmful stereotypes about the mental health of African Americans persist. These stereotypes, perpetuated by societal and media portrayals, suggest that black individuals are more resilient and thus less in need of mental health support. This misconception can lead to underdiagnosis and undertreatment of mental health issues within the community and thereby exacerbates unaddressed conditions that become urgent over time. An urgency that can be prevented with early treatment. Attitudes Toward Medication: A Complex Relationship African American attitudes towards medication for mental health conditions further complicate the landscape. According to Dr. Davis and research from the American Psychiatric Association, there is a prevalent skepticism towards psychiatric medication. Many fear potential side effects and long-term dependency, while others believe that medication is unnecessary or ineffective. These attitudes can result in lower adherence to prescribed treatments, contributing to the higher rates of emergency interventions. Something Must Be Done: Addressing the mental health crisis in the black community requires a multifaceted approach. Reducing stigma, building trust in the mental health system, and dismantling harmful stereotypes are essential steps. Additionally, increasing access to preventive mental health care and promoting culturally competent treatment options can help shift the focus from emergency responses to proactive, sustained support. The UP Company, a local private practice that provides counseling services is also determined to help reduce the stigma of mental health in the Black community. Owner and licensed therapist, Natasha Oates wanted to identify more high quality options for clients who could benefit from medication in addition to therapy. “Sadly, I knew about only two options who had great reputations, so I reached out to various therapist groups in the area to learn who the best psychiatrists are that are African American.” Natasha Oates quickly learned that many of her fellow colleagues wanted to know the same information as well. That’s how the Best Black Psychiatrists of Charlotte was created. The recommendations from local therapists, nurse practitioners and social workers were compiled and then vetted against online reviews. This list is now not only available for clinicians to use as a top tier referral list but for all and is one small step toward rebuilding trust and credibility for the improvement in mental health services for the Black community. As we confront these dire challenges, it is crucial to amplify the voices of those affected and advocate for systemic changes. Only then can we hope to reverse the troubling trends and foster a future where mental health care is accessible, equitable, and effective for all. References
Don’t Let Your Business Ruin Your Relationship!
By: Natasha Oates Award-Winning Therapist, Keynote Speaker & Retreat Host A few years ago, I vowed that I would never say, “I built an amazing business empire and all it took was the end of my marriage.” Let’s face it; the odds are against marriages. We all know that divorce is happening on every street. But the question is, what are you willing to do not to let it come to your front door? I challenge you to work and think more intentionally as a married business owner. Here are 5 Tips for Married Entrepreneurs: Owning a business means accepting that some of your days will be filled with high levels of stress! Balled up in a corner, worried about the outcome of your latest investment/venture type of stress. When we have high levels of stress: blood rushes from the part of the brain that thinks logically to the part of the brain that is impulsive and emotional. This leads us to Rule #1. Rule #1: Have a weekly routine to relieve stress. Sound too simple? It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and to become a moody ticking time bomb or a distant grouchy spouse when you have so much on your plate from multiple directions. You can end up overreacting and taking out frustrations on your spouse. Instead take them out on the treadmill, a yoga pose, or a card game with the fellas. Ever heard that marriage is all about good communication? Yeah, me too. Considering the complexities of owning a business, the risk/expenses, the countless hours, and yeah sometimes even the lack of profit: communication is extremely important! Which leads us to Rule #2. Rule #2: Have honest conversations about how the needs of the business will affect the family Now, this is where many entrepreneurs would much rather bury their heads in the sand than discuss this. If these discussions are avoided, then they will likely come up explosively at a time when you’re not prepared or ready to discuss. Let’s face it, when you’re sharing household expenses, financially planning for your children’s college, and both of your retirement, these types of discussions are important to have. Let alone when you have pressing business concerns that need more of your time than usual. Be upfront about the time frame that’s needed for you to complete tasks for the business. FYI Rule #2 won’t work without following this next one on boundaries. Any person with healthy self-esteem will NOT continuously be put on a shelf without eventually emotionally or physically choosing divorce. Rule #3: Have a no-work zone You didn’t become a business owner to neglect your kids and piss off the Love of Your Life. It’s important to carve out time for your children and spouse ahead of time. Don’t let date night die. Find out how often your spouse wants a date night and make it happen! Team no excuses. The business takes up a lot of your time and energy. The last thing you should do is constantly talk about the business with your spouse. Remember Rule #4 during date night too: Rule #4: Know when to zip your lip You are passionate about what you do. So passionate that you’re constantly thinking, strategizing, and maybe even constantly talking about your business too. Keep in mind that your family goes through sacrifices too when you’re working on your business. It may be upsetting not only to have to have less time with you because of the business, but also the time that they do have you’re STILL talking about the business! That’s what business besties are for. We get comfortable after being married for a long time. Too comfortable. Especially when time and energy is often limited. Here’s the last tip: Rule #5: Do the things you used to do That’s right! Those things that put a smile on your Honey’s face. How are you dressing and keeping your hair? What do you do to make them feel appreciated and loved? Think of them as a customer. Have you delighted them? As business owners, we know that it’s much easier to keep a current loyal customer than to attract a new loyal one. So set the goal to have an amazing marriage and like your business goals hit a home run. Remember your spouse is going through challenges too and they more than deserve the extra effort. Let’s get connected! Reserve your spot NOW for The Love That Lasts Fall 2022 Retreat in Durham, NC for a weekend of fun couples activities, life-changing seminars, and a moving recommitment ceremony. For online or in-office relationship coaching reserve your session with relationship expert Natasha Oates. Hire Natasha for your group’s retreat event by emailing: natasha@upcompany.org or calling or texting 980-285-3833.
Netflix’s Queen Charlotte & Mental Health Part III
Dark Past There were a lot of steamy scenes in this series, but what made me clutch my pearls was the terrible scenes of torture that they disguised as medicine for the King’s mental illness. It was so heartbreaking; it made me look away. It is so important that we talk about the dark areas of the past so that we can move forward in the future. In mental health and medicine, there have been dark pasts and abusive histories. The series highlighted a so-called doctor who was torturing George with his mental experiments. He seemed to enjoy his abuse of power in the series. And not only was it abusive, not only was it torture: it wasn’t even working. It wasn’t effective. It was heart-wrenching to see the scenes and to know, yes… there was a history of torture in the name of science in many fields, and mental health is not exempt. The series revealed the deep-rooted histories that have created today’s stigma regarding mental health treatment. The series also revealed a human side to mental illness. The King was good-looking, articulate, smart, caring, and had a great sense of humor. His diverse interests were intriguing and admirable. It wasn’t enough to prevent him from developing a mental illness. And that’s important for us to grapple with because we put in our minds these images of what people are supposed to look like, be like, or what their financial status likely is. If they have a mental illness and have important positions or are well-known, they don’t want to risk being demoted. “If this gets out about me…” Or they don’t want to be a burden to their friends and family, that they’re usually the go-to person, and now that they need help. They don’t know what to do because it feels counterintuitive to be the one that needs to receive help. May was Mental Health Month, and it struck me that the stigmas in the show are still around. Stigmas are beliefs that keep people from acknowledging there’s a problem and keeps people from seeking support. We have privileges today. We have evidence-based, ethical, and culturally relevant treatment options in therapy now. Suppose you know someone who needs support, or If you need support, go ahead. We are privileged, and we want to not take that for granted. Photo Credit: By IMP Awards, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=73381663 Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Netflix’s Queen Charlotte & Mental Health Part II
The Burden of Mental Illness In this series, the main character, King George, truly lived a double life. He did the best he could to conceal his mental illness. Many who experience mental illness fear being a burden to their friends and families. It’s really common for people to start to isolate themselves. To withdraw. They stop coming around. They may stay to themselves. They may stop calling, picking up the phone, or not texting you back when you’re going through a mental health crisis. It can be an exhausting experience. Getting to a space where you can no longer push through and pretend to be okay. I’m so glad that the series highlighted that a big reason the characters were keeping George’s mental health a secret was because of his status. They were concerned about the king, putting his royal role in Jeopardy, and that’s very similar to what is happening today. Whereas a lot of people will not pursue getting help. Even though they know they haven’t been themselves for a while, they will not pursue getting help because they have an important role. Or They are too well-known or have a prestigious job. They are worried about what will happen if this leak out. You can have the highest office roles in government, corporations, etc., and still struggle with mental illness. Just as it impacts everyone in every role, we all now can overcome these challenges privately but in a way not only thrive at work but at home too. Taking care of your mental health is not a sign of weakness but great strength. Just like we go to the doctor to check our heart health, we now know it is okay also to check our brain health. I was appreciative that they’ve shown these different layers of mental health stigma. Photo Credit: By IMP Awards, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=73381663 Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Netflix’s Queen Charlotte & Mental Health (Part I)
Family Secrets I’m so excited to connect with you about Queen Charlotte. What a really interesting series! It’s really popular. You know, everybody’s talking about it. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out. It is a part of the Bridgerton series on Netflix, which was also popular. It has a lot of intriguing topics inside of it. An artistic point of view of the glass ceilings that people face because of their gender, their race, or sexual orientation. It was so well put together. I wanted to talk about the connection between Queen Charlotte and mental health. May was Mental Health Month. So, I thought, what a great time to dive into this topic. Queen Charlotte spoke about many important things in mental health. It did talk a lot about stigma without mentioning it. If you think about the series, there was a lot of hiding going on. There was a lot of sneaking and preparing. Preparation to keep the King’s mental health status on the low. If you think about it, they created processes. The family was in on it. The servants were in on it. Everybody knew about the king’s mental health condition except for his new wife. This is very real; oftentimes, in our families, we make it normal to know something is going on and not discuss it. We make it normal to pick up the slack. When we see someone experiencing a mental health crisis, but do not necessarily connect them with effective resources for real improvement. There were some things with mental health stigma around relationships. It was clear to me that the king admired and adored his new wife, but he wanted to shield her; he wanted to protect her from knowing because of embarrassment and because he thought this would better protect her. This is still a common experience for many to hide their mental health struggles: in an attempt not to be a burden and to avoid embarrassment. Building a strong support system is an important part of getting better. Adults need villages too. Photo Credit: By IMP Awards, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=73381663 Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Overcoming Dead-End Disagreements (Part II)
Is there such a thing as a good fight? A peaceful argument? A productive disagreement? The truth is…having disagreements is a normal part of being in a relationship. When couples go through major life events (like a new job, new baby, new home, etc.), studies show that it is normal for couples to argue more during the initial transitional period. Make sure you take a look at Part I for more tips on fighting fair. Couples going through these changes should keep the following tips in mind: You know what you don’t like, but do you also know what you need? Take time to think of these specifics and share each one. Your partner shouldn’t just know or have to guess. Give them the road map. 2. Be honest with yourself and your spouse. Share your concerns. Set yourself free. Share who you really are. What you really need. And what your real limitations are with certain things. In a marriage, you sometimes have to remind your spouse that you’re human, not perfect, and despite that still deserve love, respect, and acceptance. 3. Give your reasons. Attempt to help your partner understand you better. Give them a context of just how important the issue is to you. Sometimes spouses haven’t addressed your needs because they assumed it was a want and not an important need. 4. Admit when you’re wrong. A humble pie is the most important food you’ll eat in marriage. Own your ish. Show your partner you care about how your actions impacted them or hurt their feelings. 5. Make sure you understand each other’s position by repeating it back to them. Couples make a lot of assumptions about how they think their partner feels about certain issues. This misinformation can create problems that do not exist or waste efforts. It may feel awkward to do at first, but this can help prevent a lot of confusion in important conversations. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach .
Overcoming Dead-End Disagreements (Part I)
Is there a such thing as a good fight? A peaceful argument? A productive disagreement? The truth is…having disagreements is a normal part of being in a relationship. When couples go through major life events (like a new job, new baby, new home, etc.) studies show that it is normal for couples to argue more during the initial transitional period. Couples going through these changes should keep the following tips in mind: Nothing can be more challenging to a passionate person than not accidentally talking over or interrupting their spouse during disagreements. It’s usually unintentional, but overtaking, interrupting, and dominating the discussion is one of the quickest ways to disengage your partner or at the very least get on their nerves. 2. Let go of over-proving your point. Look for possible compromises. I know you just want to get your partner to understand where you’re coming from. But after more than a few attempts trying to get them to see your point, it can come off as your partner thinking that you are unwilling to move forward unless it was your idea. That their opinions or concerns don’t matter. 3. Try not to make general statements, like saying “You always forget to make the bed, you never compliment me.” It can give the impression to your spouse that you will never be satisfied because you don’t acknowledge the instances when they do show changes. 4. Follow through with agreements made. This is a trust factor. It will become difficult for your partner to feel they can trust you if you ultimately do your own thing even after you both have decided on a plan. You may see it as changing plans based on new needs, but they may view it as a lack of security or deception that doesn’t help them to feel confident in making other major decisions with you. 5. Allow for a break (at least 20 min) when disagreements get stressful or heated. Return to discuss the issue again once things are calm. You may feel an urgency to settle matters right then and there. But if the energy is super tense, your good intentions could lead to more problems. Our tone, tact, and patience often go out the window when we feel stressed. It’s better to calm down, so we don’t blow up or shut down. Let each other know when you need a minute to cool off. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Red Flags Most People Overlook in Relationships & What to do now? Part III
Ah oh! You’ve noticed significant red flags in your relationship, and you’re wondering what to do now?! (If you haven’t already, make sure you read Parts I & II of this blog post) Step 1: Be honest with yourself about what’s happening in your relationship. To avoid facing fear we sometimes make situations seem smaller than they are in real life. Assume that things will get better on their own over time. Or that if we pay attention to what’s happening it’ll only get worse. This is NOT the time to lean on these fear-based anecdotes. Be honest with yourself about what is happening, how often, how intense, and the impact it’s having. Step 2: We must face the future. Whatever we do not address, oftentimes gets worse over time (not better). If these red flags continue and worsen over time, what will the relationship be like in 5, 10, 20 years? Will there even be a relationship to salvage? What impact can this have on your mind, body, and spirit? Or your children’s? We must wake up and no longer be comfortable with a path that isn’t healthy. Step 3: Oftentimes, these concerns did not begin with you. And are learned behaviors from responses to family dynamics or tragic experiences. It is important to understand the cycle and to break it. If these behaviors aren’t addressed not only can they impact your relationship, but potentially your children’s future relationships also. Step 4: Know what you want. Oftentimes we are clear about what no longer works for us. What type of behaviors we don’t want to happen in our relationships? What’s sometimes challenging to envision is what we do want. What would be working towards creating? How would you know you’ve arrived at that place in your relationship without a clear vision? Step 5: Create a plan and get support to achieve it. Now that you’ve dared to be honest with yourself, realized what would happen if things don’t change, and facing the realities of what can be it’s time to get support. If it were easy enough to resolve it on your own, you would’ve already done it by now. You will want to connect with a relationship expert who is experienced, trained, and personable enough for you to feel comfortable opening up to. We recommend youconnect with a provider with proven results. We welcome you to connect with us at The UP Company. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Red Flags Most People Overlook in Relationships (Part II)
Are you being honest with yourself about the main issues in your relationship? Are they normal issues or matters that require immediate change and support? Be sure to review Part I and then take a look at additional red flags for relationships: Red Flags of Silence: Have there been major issues that have come up, but your partner refuses to discuss them? Maybe they view discussing concerns as being ungrateful or unnecessary. or those problems are resolved by acting as if nothing bad ever happened. When relationships have a culture of “we don’t talk about problems” it will unintentionally cause a breeding ground for resentment and neglect. This may be a reg flag for silence. Red Flags of Minimizing: Does your partner tend to make your concerns seem like they’re not a big deal? Are issues seen as something to be ignored or just move past without addressing them fully? This type of behavior can make you feel as if you should remain silent about concerns. This may be a red flag for minimizing. Red Flags of Incompletion: Do you or your partner have a hard time letting issues go? Do you often avoid conversations about issues? Are you often confused about why your partner is so upset? This may be a red flag of incompletion. Red Flags of Unreliability: Do you or your partner have a difficult time letting people in? Have you spent most of your life relying on yourself? Do you avoid asking your partner for help or saying what you need so that you won’t be disappointed or hurt? This may be a red flag of unreliability. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach