5 Tips Every Entrepreneur Should Do To Save Your Marriage (Part II)

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4 . Zip your lip

As an entrepreneur, you spend a lot of time thinking and strategizing, wondering if that’s the right thing to do. You have this new goal. There is this constant flow of thoughts about the business, and you may overshare in your relationship. As an entrepreneur, you sacrifice so much time and energy. It’s late at night and early morning sometimes. Even after you finish the work, you sometimes barely have anything to give. Consider that, your partner is already alongside you and also sacrifices so much. You have to know when to stop talking about the business. They don’t see you or spend time with you the way they typically would, had you not been an entrepreneur. The different financial standing you would be in if you were not building a business. Know when to make the conversation about your partner and not the business. Or it can come across as a mistress instead of a legacy. Find ways to connect with your partner to prevent those types of common struggles.

5. What got you here is what will keep you here.

Consider, what drew your partner to you in the beginning. What did they really enjoy from you? How well have you kept that same energy? What are you doing to show you are still interested in your sweetheart? In addition to consistent date nights, are you still kissing and making love? Are you doing the little things? For those who have been in a relationship for a while. Things have changed… The things that you liked, in the beginning might be a little different now, so it is important to check in and become curious. Do you really know the date night that would be amazing for your partner? What are your partner’s top love languages?

What helped them feel closest to you? Oftentimes, we can get in the loop of focusing on responsibilities: the business, never-ending chores, bills, kids, and responsibilities. So, consider, what are the little things that help your partner feel most connected to you. Do not guess! Ask…

Bonus tip: You need to make money

Let’s have a heart-to-heart. There are a lot of disagreements with entrepreneurs in their relationship when you are not making money yet. The Struggle is still real! Spouses often ask: “It’s been a while, a few years; how come to this thing is not launching the way you say it would?!” One of the important things to do is to hold up your end of the bargain, and I know you are doing all that you can do it. It’s hard. Have you seen the statistics on how many businesses fail in the first year or two? I want to offer this advice to you: Get mentorship and get around people who are seasoned in what you want to do. Organizations like SCORE and local community colleges offer free business coaching and workshops. You’ll likely also get to the place of needing specialized support. Pay for it when needed. Consulting or business conferences that offer practical effective strategies and great networking. Do not do it alone! A lack of money from business should not be an ongoing problem in your relationship. These disagreements can often feel like they’re not supportive; I know it’s stressful constantly worrying about money or the next fight. It can be so discouraging not to have a cheerleader at home. The best way to regain your partner’s support is by showing them this idea can actually work.

Written by: Natasha D. Oates, award-winning therapist & relationship coach

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The Silent Crisis: Unveiling the Mental Health Struggles in the Black Community

In recent years, the black community in the United States has been grappling with a disturbing and often overlooked issue: the rising suicide rates and the increased reliance on emergency mental health inpatient hospitalization. This article delves into the statistics, underlying reasons, and the deeply rooted challenges that exacerbate these mental health struggles. Rising Suicide Rates: A Stark Reality According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and Mental Health America (MHA), suicide rates among black individuals have been on a troubling upward trajectory. These statistics are not just numbers; they represent lives cut short and communities in mourning. For example, SAMHSA reports a significant increase in suicide rates among black youth, with the rate nearly doubling between 2014 and 2018. MHA’s data corroborates this trend, highlighting that suicide has become the second leading cause of death for black children aged 10-14 and the third leading cause for black adolescents aged 15-19. Emergency Inpatient Hospitalization: One alarming trend is the high rate at which black individuals first receive mental health services through emergency inpatient hospitalization. This statistic underscores a reactive rather than proactive approach to mental health care within the community. Dr. King Davis, Chair of Mental Health and Social Policy at the University of Texas at Austin, has extensively researched this phenomenon. He explains that many black individuals turn to emergency services due to a lack of access to regular, preventive mental health care, coupled with a distrust of outpatient psychiatric treatment. Underlying Reasons: Stigma, Historical Mistrust, and Stereotypes Several factors contribute to the increased suicide rates and the high utilization of inpatient hospitalization over counseling and outpatient treatment. Dr. Davis points to the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health in the black community as a critical barrier. Mental illness is often seen as a weakness or personal failing, discouraging individuals from seeking help. Historical mistrust also plays a significant role. The black community’s experience with the mental health system is marred by a history of unjust treatment and exploitation. This mistrust is rooted in well-documented instances, such as the unethical Tuskegee Syphilis Study, which have left a lasting legacy of suspicion towards medical institutions. Furthermore, harmful stereotypes about the mental health of African Americans persist. These stereotypes, perpetuated by societal and media portrayals, suggest that black individuals are more resilient and thus less in need of mental health support. This misconception can lead to underdiagnosis and undertreatment of mental health issues within the community and thereby exacerbates unaddressed conditions that become urgent over time. An urgency that can be prevented with early treatment. Attitudes Toward Medication: A Complex Relationship African American attitudes towards medication for mental health conditions further complicate the landscape. According to Dr. Davis and research from the American Psychiatric Association, there is a prevalent skepticism towards psychiatric medication. Many fear potential side effects and long-term dependency, while others believe that medication is unnecessary or ineffective. These attitudes can result in lower adherence to prescribed treatments, contributing to the higher rates of emergency interventions. Something Must Be Done: Addressing the mental health crisis in the black community requires a multifaceted approach. Reducing stigma, building trust in the mental health system, and dismantling harmful stereotypes are essential steps. Additionally, increasing access to preventive mental health care and promoting culturally competent treatment options can help shift the focus from emergency responses to proactive, sustained support. The UP Company, a local private practice that provides counseling services is also determined to help reduce the stigma of mental health in the Black community. Owner and licensed therapist, Natasha Oates wanted to identify more high quality options for clients who could benefit from medication in addition to therapy. “Sadly, I knew about only two options who had great reputations, so I reached out to various therapist groups in the area to learn who the best psychiatrists are that are African American.” Natasha Oates quickly learned that many of her fellow colleagues wanted to know the same information as well. That’s how the Best Black Psychiatrists of Charlotte was created. The recommendations from local therapists, nurse practitioners and social workers were compiled and then vetted against online reviews. This list is now not only available for clinicians to use as a top tier referral list but for all and is one small step toward rebuilding trust and credibility for the improvement in mental health services for the Black community. As we confront these dire challenges, it is crucial to amplify the voices of those affected and advocate for systemic changes. Only then can we hope to reverse the troubling trends and foster a future where mental health care is accessible, equitable, and effective for all. References

Don’t Let Your Business Ruin Your Relationship!

By: Natasha Oates Award-Winning Therapist, Keynote Speaker & Retreat Host A few years ago, I vowed that I would never say, “I built an amazing business empire and all it took was the end of my marriage.” Let’s face it; the odds are against marriages. We all know that divorce is happening on every street. But the question is, what are you willing to do not to let it come to your front door? I challenge you to work and think more intentionally as a married business owner. Here are 5 Tips for Married Entrepreneurs: Owning a business means accepting that some of your days will be filled with high levels of stress! Balled up in a corner, worried about the outcome of your latest investment/venture type of stress. When we have high levels of stress: blood rushes from the part of the brain that thinks logically to the part of the brain that is impulsive and emotional. This leads us to Rule #1. Rule #1: Have a weekly routine to relieve stress. Sound too simple? It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and to become a moody ticking time bomb or a distant grouchy spouse when you have so much on your plate from multiple directions. You can end up overreacting and taking out frustrations on your spouse. Instead take them out on the treadmill, a yoga pose, or a card game with the fellas. Ever heard that marriage is all about good communication? Yeah, me too. Considering the complexities of owning a business, the risk/expenses, the countless hours, and yeah sometimes even the lack of profit: communication is extremely important! Which leads us to Rule #2. Rule #2: Have honest conversations about how the needs of the business will affect the family Now, this is where many entrepreneurs would much rather bury their heads in the sand than discuss this. If these discussions are avoided, then they will likely come up explosively at a time when you’re not prepared or ready to discuss. Let’s face it, when you’re sharing household expenses, financially planning for your children’s college, and both of your retirement, these types of discussions are important to have. Let alone when you have pressing business concerns that need more of your time than usual. Be upfront about the time frame that’s needed for you to complete tasks for the business. FYI Rule #2 won’t work without following this next one on boundaries. Any person with healthy self-esteem will NOT continuously be put on a shelf without eventually emotionally or physically choosing divorce. Rule #3: Have a no-work zone You didn’t become a business owner to neglect your kids and piss off the Love of Your Life. It’s important to carve out time for your children and spouse ahead of time. Don’t let date night die. Find out how often your spouse wants a date night and make it happen! Team no excuses. The business takes up a lot of your time and energy. The last thing you should do is constantly talk about the business with your spouse. Remember Rule #4 during date night too: Rule #4: Know when to zip your lip You are passionate about what you do. So passionate that you’re constantly thinking, strategizing, and maybe even constantly talking about your business too. Keep in mind that your family goes through sacrifices too when you’re working on your business. It may be upsetting not only to have to have less time with you because of the business, but also the time that they do have you’re STILL talking about the business! That’s what business besties are for. We get comfortable after being married for a long time. Too comfortable. Especially when time and energy is often limited. Here’s the last tip: Rule #5: Do the things you used to do That’s right! Those things that put a smile on your Honey’s face. How are you dressing and keeping your hair? What do you do to make them feel appreciated and loved? Think of them as a customer. Have you delighted them? As business owners, we know that it’s much easier to keep a current loyal customer than to attract a new loyal one. So set the goal to have an amazing marriage and like your business goals hit a home run. Remember your spouse is going through challenges too and they more than deserve the extra effort.  Let’s get connected! Reserve your spot NOW for The Love That Lasts Fall 2022 Retreat in Durham, NC for a weekend of fun couples activities, life-changing seminars, and a moving recommitment ceremony. For online or in-office relationship coaching reserve your session with relationship expert Natasha Oates. Hire Natasha for your group’s retreat event by emailing: natasha@upcompany.org or calling or texting 980-285-3833.