What He Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Him.
Couples keep secrets from each other for a lot of reasons. Maybe out of fear of judgement, fear of not being able to make decisions without pushback or even out of something missing in their relationship. Whatever the reason keeping secrets in your marriage leads to the possibility of broken trust. So, whether it’s, secret social media accounts or messages, hidden money or accounts, secret lunches or phone calls with the opposite sex: trust can become easily broken. Once trust is broken, it is difficult to repair. As yourself, is that secret communication with your ex worth it? Secrets usually point to opportunities for you to get your needs or concerns taken seriously in the marriage. Instead of seeking attention, security or excitement outside of your marriage. Make sure you are making your spouse aware of what you specifically need to find fulfillment in your own home.
So Your Kids Are The Boss?
We sacrifice so much for our children: sleep, money, time and patience. One thing you do not want to sacrifice is your marriage. It may be a difficult balance at times but pay close attention to the ways that your children may be putting a strain on your relationship. Some common ways parenting habits can become problematic to your marriage:
Children sleeping in your bed instead of their own bed regularly. We understand that some families value co-sleeping and the safety protocol of having infants sleep in your room. It’s important to consider, after the toddler stage, whether this sleeping arrangement is impacting your sex life and evening quality time as a couple.
It is problematic is when parents aren’t on the same page and the child becomes confused with what the expectations are or put one parent against the other. It’s normal for couples to have different discipline styles for their children. It’s okay to be different, but children need structure and solid expectations in order to create good behavior habits. This requires parents to have conversations and create a joint plan apart from the children, so that when they approach the children it minimizes confusion, conflict and ongoing behavioral issues.
Written by: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach