Red Flags Most People Overlook in Relationships & What to do now? Part III
Ah oh! You’ve noticed significant red flags in your relationship, and you’re wondering what to do now?! (If you haven’t already, make sure you read Parts I & II of this blog post) Step 1: Be honest with yourself about what’s happening in your relationship. To avoid facing fear we sometimes make situations seem smaller than they are in real life. Assume that things will get better on their own over time. Or that if we pay attention to what’s happening it’ll only get worse. This is NOT the time to lean on these fear-based anecdotes. Be honest with yourself about what is happening, how often, how intense, and the impact it’s having. Step 2: We must face the future. Whatever we do not address, oftentimes gets worse over time (not better). If these red flags continue and worsen over time, what will the relationship be like in 5, 10, 20 years? Will there even be a relationship to salvage? What impact can this have on your mind, body, and spirit? Or your children’s? We must wake up and no longer be comfortable with a path that isn’t healthy. Step 3: Oftentimes, these concerns did not begin with you. And are learned behaviors from responses to family dynamics or tragic experiences. It is important to understand the cycle and to break it. If these behaviors aren’t addressed not only can they impact your relationship, but potentially your children’s future relationships also. Step 4: Know what you want. Oftentimes we are clear about what no longer works for us. What type of behaviors we don’t want to happen in our relationships? What’s sometimes challenging to envision is what we do want. What would be working towards creating? How would you know you’ve arrived at that place in your relationship without a clear vision? Step 5: Create a plan and get support to achieve it. Now that you’ve dared to be honest with yourself, realized what would happen if things don’t change, and facing the realities of what can be it’s time to get support. If it were easy enough to resolve it on your own, you would’ve already done it by now. You will want to connect with a relationship expert who is experienced, trained, and personable enough for you to feel comfortable opening up to. We recommend youconnect with a provider with proven results. We welcome you to connect with us at The UP Company. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Red Flags Most People Overlook in Relationships (Part II)
Are you being honest with yourself about the main issues in your relationship? Are they normal issues or matters that require immediate change and support? Be sure to review Part I and then take a look at additional red flags for relationships: Red Flags of Silence: Have there been major issues that have come up, but your partner refuses to discuss them? Maybe they view discussing concerns as being ungrateful or unnecessary. or those problems are resolved by acting as if nothing bad ever happened. When relationships have a culture of “we don’t talk about problems” it will unintentionally cause a breeding ground for resentment and neglect. This may be a reg flag for silence. Red Flags of Minimizing: Does your partner tend to make your concerns seem like they’re not a big deal? Are issues seen as something to be ignored or just move past without addressing them fully? This type of behavior can make you feel as if you should remain silent about concerns. This may be a red flag for minimizing. Red Flags of Incompletion: Do you or your partner have a hard time letting issues go? Do you often avoid conversations about issues? Are you often confused about why your partner is so upset? This may be a red flag of incompletion. Red Flags of Unreliability: Do you or your partner have a difficult time letting people in? Have you spent most of your life relying on yourself? Do you avoid asking your partner for help or saying what you need so that you won’t be disappointed or hurt? This may be a red flag of unreliability. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
Red Flags Most People Overlook in Relationships (Part 1)
How do you know the difference between regular relationship challenges versus unhealthy relationship behaviors? Is it really easy to miss red flags or do we choose to overlook the obvious? We want eliminate doubt and confusion regarding your relationship. Learn about the common red flags that are overlooked in relationships and get support today. Red Flags of Control: Do you or your partner get into disagreements regarding how you should feel about situations? Or disagreements about the way you make decisions (as if they’reway is the ONLY way)!? Maybe you do your best to avoid an argument or blame because it’s so exhausting or even humiliating. When you do disagree or push back, do you feel as if you are “walking on eggshells?” Tip toeing to avoid drama? This may be a red flag for control in your relationship. Red Flags of Perfectionism: Do you wonder if you could ever, please your partner enough? Or do you get the feeling that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough? Thatthere’s always something more to do or not to do. Do you hear criticisms much more often than you hear complements? This may be a red flag for perfectionism. Red Flags of Blame: Does it seem like your partner just won’t apologize, even when it is clear they were wrong? Do they often push the blame on other factors or even switch theconversation to things that you do that make them upset? This lack of accountability is not only frustrating, but it can be confusing. You might share your concern and then end up beingaccused as the cause of what has hurt you. That they are the victim or the one needing the apology? This may be a red flag for blame. Red Flags of Denial: It’s difficult to trust someone if their actions don’t line up with what they say. You are often in a state of confusion or digging for evidence of a feeling you have that your partner isn’t being completely honest. This can be them not being honest about how they feel about situations or conflict. Or even how they feel about monogamy. This may indeed be a red flag for denial. Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach
