Is there such a thing as a good fight? A peaceful argument? A productive disagreement? The truth is…having disagreements is a normal part of being in a relationship.
When couples go through major life events (like a new job, new baby, new home, etc.), studies show that it is normal for couples to argue more during the initial transitional period. Make sure you take a look at Part I for more tips on fighting fair.
Couples going through these changes should keep the following tips in mind:
- Show personal respect. Share what you need to feel respected.
You know what you don’t like, but do you also know what you need? Take time to think of these specifics and share each one. Your partner shouldn’t just know or have to guess. Give them the road map.
2. Be honest with yourself and your spouse. Share your concerns.
Set yourself free. Share who you really are. What you really need. And what your real limitations are with certain things. In a marriage, you sometimes have to remind your spouse that you’re human, not perfect, and despite that still deserve love, respect, and acceptance.
3. Give your reasons.
Attempt to help your partner understand you better. Give them a context of just how important the issue is to you. Sometimes spouses haven’t addressed your needs because they assumed it was a want and not an important need.
4. Admit when you’re wrong.
A humble pie is the most important food you’ll eat in marriage. Own your ish. Show your partner you care about how your actions impacted them or hurt their feelings.
5. Make sure you understand each other’s position by repeating it back to them.
Couples make a lot of assumptions about how they think their partner feels about certain issues. This misinformation can create problems that do not exist or waste efforts. It may feel awkward to do at first, but this can help prevent a lot of confusion in important conversations.
Written By: Natasha D. Oates, Award-Winning Therapist & Relationship Coach